Green Bay, WI – Star quarterback and all-around man, Aaron Rodgers, has vowed to infect himself with Ebola should his team earn a slot in this year’s Super Bowl. When asked why, he said:
“Look, I’m in great shape. Just a few weeks ago, everyone and their mother wanted me to get these COVID injections and I refused because I knew they were killing far more people than they were helping. Even that disgusting-looking, lanky troll, Howard Stern, was against me. Anyway, for wanting to have medical independence over my own body, the NFL benched me for a week. This will show them though. I’m doing this to prove a point, and that point is that everyone’s a hypocrite. Americans need to start standing up for what they believe in and call out these hypocrites for what they are…Nazis! Let’s see them bench me at the Super Bowl for not taking the Ebola vaccine!”
In a strange twist, Green Bay’s stock began to plummet after this news broke.
Keep it up Mr. Rodgers! This country does in fact need real men to lead us and show us the way.
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