Chicago Mayor Turns to Hollywood for Help

Chicago – Mayor Lori Lightfoot, the black, gay, incompetent, midget mayor of Chicago has finally had a Come-to-Jesus moment when it comes to running her city.

Earlier this month, Lightfoot attended a gala of the rich and famous, or more specifically, the Hollywood elites. She was there, not only to party with the “giants” of Hollywood, she was also trying to raise funds for her re-election campaign. During a conversation with several well-known actors, producers, and directors, Lightfoot had a lightbulb moment when it came to raising funds. Speaking with director, Tim Burton, she reportedly said:

“Tim, I have this wonderful idea! You should do a remake of Beetlejuice in Chicago! It’s perfect. Think about it. I would give the production company a huge tax break for filming in Chicago and you can cast me as Beetlejuice. This way, you save money on production (and makeup for me) and I can be seen as more than just an incompetent mayor. It’s a win-win!”

Burton looked down his nose, sipped his drink, and then said the following:

“You know, that’s not a bad idea. ‘Beetlejuice in Chicago.‘ We can film on the south side where bodies are dropping like flies from all of the shootings that happen there anyway. And we can work you in as being Mayor…something like…Beetlejuice in Chicago, More Than Just an Ugly Face, or, Beetlejuice Takes Chicago, More than Just a Useless Mayor.”

Filming is set to begin next month.

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