Laurel MS. – Over the weekend, famed pancake maker, Aunt Jemima, announced that she intends to be the Republican candidate for the vacant Mississippi senate seat. Ms. Jemima has expressed interest in the seat as early as 2019 when Pearl Milling started grabbing headlines by denouncing Ms. Jemima.
When asked about her decision to run for office, Ms. Jemima said:
“Child, I has got to gets me in office! That honkey, Pearl Milling, she done tried to cancel dis here woman! Who da hell she think she is? Tryin’ to cancel the one and only Aunt Jemima? I been ’round here since she be chewin’ on her mama’s tore up fishnets! Cancel me, will they? I’ll show them! Get me my rollin’ pin! I’mma whoop some ass ’round here!”
Ms. Jemima had to cut the interview short because her blood pressure became elevated. We did get a chance to ask her husband, Ben, a brief question.
Reporter: Uncle Ben, will your wife make a good senator?
Uncle Ben: What da hell you crackas doin’ in my house and in my kitchen? Can’t you see we black folk gots to work for a livin’? Not all of us be on welfare like up in New York city! And don’t get me started on that Pearl floozey, whatever her name is. She just a hoe trying to turn a trick quicker than a horse’s ass shits. Now git!”
You have our vote, Ms. Jemima.
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