Boston – In recent months, doctors have been refusing to treat patients for anything from a common cold to major organ transplants because of their vaccine status. Specifically, some doctors have refused to see patients that were not vaccinated.
In a number of hospitals across the US, both doctors and hospitals are now refusing to see patients based not only on their vaccination status, but on a raft of other criteria. We have compiled a list below, though not complete. The following list includes reasons doctors and hospitals are now refusing to see patients:
- Vaccine status. All patients must be vaccinated against COVID-19, including boosters.
- Bleeding. Any patient bleeding profusely will no longer be seen. Excessive blood tends to make hospital staff queasy.
- Dirty/Unbathed: Any potential patient who has a distinct odor will be turned away. This is considered a distraction to the medical community.
- Large Men: Any potential male patient who weighs in excess of 300 pounds will be turned away. Their size alone is considered threatening.
- HIV/AIDS. Medical staff are just too scared of catching it.
- Constipation. Doctors have determined this condition is too disgusting to deal with, “hands on.”
- Coughing. Invisible germs and microbes are too numerous to avoid and are considered hazardous to medical staff.
- Burn Victims. The intense screaming from burn victims is too painful to the ears of the medical staff and will no longer be treated.
- Patients Who Arrive After Midnight: Anyone who arrives at a hospital after midnight will be turned away because, “nothing good ever happens after midnight.”
- Car Accident Victims: If a person was in a car accident and needs medical attention, it is clear that person was not wearing their seatbelt. By refusing treatment, doctors believe they are sending a message while trying to implement change.
- Missing Limbs. Treating this condition is simply too costly for medical staff to make a reasonable profit.
- Old Age. Doctors have no cure for this and see it as a waste of their time.
- Giving Birth. Insurance premiums are too high for doctors and this is a natural event that can occur without medical care.
- Gunshot Wounds. Doctors dislike guns and by not treating gunshot wounds, they hope to implement change.
- Lacerations. Lacerations carry a high risk of infection and doctors believe the risk is too high to treat.
- Organ Transplants. These will only be performed if both the donor and recipient have:
- Had the COVID-19 vaccine, including boosters.
- Never smoked or did drugs.
- Never drank alcohol.
- Never listened to Alex Jones, Fox News, or Glenn Beck.
When asked about this new protocol, a vascular surgeon responded this way:
“We have got to look out for ourselves. I know it sounds selfish, but we’re people too, and we’re vulnerable just like everyone else. In order for doctors and nurses to even exist, they must be alive and healthy. This new protocol helps keep all medical staff happy and healthy. It’s nice that we can be both safe and promote our values. Besides, most people that show up to the hospital are not really that sick. They’re looking for attention most of the time.”
This is only a partial list and will be updated when more information becomes available.
Disclaimer: All articles on this website are satirical and in no way factual. Copyright 2022, 1791Times.com. All rights reserved, USSA News, LLC.