Dr. Fauci Again Updates Mask Requirements For All People

Washington DC – Dr. Anthony Fauci has once again updated the mask requirements for everyone.

Last week Dr. Fauci mandated that everyone wear a mask that covered, “the entire body.” Today, Fauci eased his restrictions considerably. The masks only need to cover the entire face. When asked about the relaxed measures, Fauci said:

“I think I was a little overly cautious last week when I had people cover their entire bodies. I can admit when I’m wrong. Today, I’m requiring that people only cover their entire face. This includes their eyes, nose, and mouth. This should be enough to stop the spread of COVID.”

When asked about the mask rendering people unable to see, Fauci had this to say:

“I know it looks extreme, but it’s not. People should be quarantining at home until this pandemic is over and we are at COVID-Zero. Covering their eyes not only provides a barrier between the person and the virus, it also ensures that people will not drive or even leave the house. So it’s really a win-win if you think about it. In other words, the virus cannot penetrate the mask to infect the wearer, and the wearer cannot leave their home to infect others or become infected. And besides, it’s not like they’re blind forever. They can take the mask off at night to sleep.”

The Nobel Prize committee has gathered together for an emergency meeting in light of this new development.

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