Washington D.C. – Today, Dr. Anthony Fauci issued new mask guidelines to the public. Adoption of these new guidelines must begin immediately. Masks have been increased in size to cover the entire body. They are also fitted with face shields and ventilators.
When asked about why the new guidelines were being implemented, Dr. Fauci responded:
“The Omega variant is becoming more prevalent and we’ve got to stop this thing from spreading once and for all. The only way to do that is to cover the entire body 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You cannot take these off for even a second! Not even to go to the bathroom. We should be able to go back to normal after only a few short years as long as we stay vigilant.”
And what is the Omega variant? Dr. Fauci again responded:
“The Omega variant has many symptoms that include the sniffles and, in rare cases, a sneeze. We have to nip this in the bud before the entire world is infected.”
Thank you for that, sniff, Dr. Fauci. Your wisdom is sacred.
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