FBI Rebranding to be Kinder, Friendlier. Changes Name to KGB.

Washington DC – President Biden has come under fire recently for the FBI being too intrusive into the lives of ordinary Americans. In response, the President will be rebranding the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) to Komrades, Government, and Biden (KGB). In a statement, President Biden explained this decision:

“Look, I understand that the FBI has been spying on average Americans for years. And yes, it can be intrusive. But it’s a necessary evil for the FBI to know everything about everyone. This way we can catch the one-in-a-million terrorist, no matter how much we set him up to fail. Think about the plot to kidnap Governor Whitmer, or the January 6th terrorist plot. If the FBI weren’t there to set those Americans up and entrap them, they might never have been caught!

Anyway, these operations have caused a sour taste in the mouths of Americans, so today, I am renaming the FBI to the KGB, Komrades, Government, and Biden. Think about that for a minute. really think about it. We’re all komrades; you, me, and the government. That’s where the name comes from. When everyone hears the name, KGB, they’ll think of me, the government, and how we’re all great friends, even when they’re spying on you or listening to your private conversations.

Hopefully, this will put everyone’s mind at ease so we can build back better without any more complaints as The Great Reset gets underway. This new name will take effect January 1st, 2020, er, 2021, oh right, 2023. Thank you.”

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