Washington DC – This week, President Biden signed the Inflation Reduction Act into law. The magic of this new law will save the economy in the eyes of Washington elites. In reality, Americans can expect prices and taxes to soar because Americans are neither arrogant nor stupid.
With the magic of this new law keeping politicians in DC giddy, they decided to create a slew of new laws to solve every problem in the country by simply putting their fantasies on paper, knowing that new laws can solve everything. Following is the list leaked from a DC insider:
- The Sadness Reduction Act – By law, everyone will be mandated to be happy or face up to five years in prison,
- The You’re Rich Act – The bill states that poverty is bad and has therefore been eliminated. You can now claim you’re rich without fear of being ridiculed,
- The No One’s Fat bill – With fat-shaming on the rise, this bill mandates that “fat people” be defined as any person weighing over 1,000 lbs.,
- The Reverse Reverse Sideways Twisted and Trusted Mortgage Act – This bill makes getting a mortgage so complicated that no one will ever know they’re getting screwed and therefore be happy when their home is being foreclosed upon,
- The Personal Word Definition Bill – If you become offended at anything, you will now have the right to change the meaning of any and all words so as to not be offended anymore, ever,
- The Bugs Taste Good Act – This mandate demands that you enjoy eating bugs because, “it’s the food of the future.” Failure to comply will mean up to ten years in prison.
- The Biden is Coherent Act – Just because it’s obvious.
These bills are expected to pass the House and Senate with an overwhelming majority. Should there be a tie, Vice President Kamala Harris will cast the deciding vote, as she did with the, Kamala Harris is Smart and Sexy bill.
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