Washington DC – Yesterday, Justice Breyer, 83, of the Supreme Court, announced his retirement after a long and distinguished career as a liberal jurist. In the wake of that announcement, President Biden said who he would like to see replace him:
“I would like to find a Supreme Court Justice that represents the face of America. Someone who is black, a woman, a Native American, an illegal alien, a non-binary queer Afghani refugee, and I believe I found just such a person. Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to present, Bridgett Floyd, sister of the late, great, George Floyd. I believe Ms. Floyd represents all Americans and that’s why I’m nominating her, they, them to the Supreme Court of the United States.”
We spoke with Zhe Floyd and asked about zher qualifications. Zher response:
“Child, I ain’t gotta answer to you. You not my boss. So, I ain’t no lawyer, big deal! What difference dat make? You heard the president; I’m black, I’m a woman, and that honkey in jail killed my brother! Ima be da judge from now on, oh and trust, Ima judge good! Now get out my face.”
We noticed Justice Thomas weeping for some strange reason.
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