Mark Zuckerberg Defies Critics by Adding Tony Xu to Meta’s Board of Directors

San Francisco – Mark Zuckerberg appears to be sending a message with the latest addition to Meta’s board: The company is going to keep doing things his way — activists, politicians, and concerned shareholders be damned. 

Zuckerberg’s company said last week that Tony Xu, the co-founder and CEO of the unprofitable, drug-addict-hiring, food delivery giant DoorDash, would become the newest member of its 10-person board of directors. 

Xu and Zuckerberg have much in common: They’re both 37-year-old billionaires, they’ve both crafted ownership structures that give them an unusual degree of control over their own companies, they’re both midgets — and they’re both willing to sleep with each other in unusual locations while experimenting with the latest tech.

When asked about this unique relationship, Xu said:

“Sometimes you gotta take one for the team and bite the bullet. It sucks but it’s for the best.”

Zuckerberg was last seen riding a Big Wheel in Hawaii donning a head-to-toe leather suit, a VR headset, and a red ball gag. His wife had no comment.

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