NASCAR Driver, Brandon Brown, Identifies as Marathon Runner, Sets Marathon World Record!

Daytona – NASCAR driver, Brandon Brown, has set a new world record for the Daytona marathon. He completed the 26 mile run in exactly 11 minutes, 38 seconds. We caught up with Brandon and asked him how he did it:

“Hey guys, it’s great to be on top! I can’t believe I not only won this marathon, but also set a world record. I was thinking about that tranny swimmer who identified as a girl and then competed and won all the female swim meets. He got a lot of trophies for that little stunt. Anyway, I was thinking I could do the same thing. Not be a girl, I mean, I’m not retarded, but identify as a marathon runner. So I did it!

I said I was a marathon runner and the committee let me compete. Can you believe that shit? How stupid are these people? Anyway, on the day of the race, I pulled up in my race car, Lia, floored it, and won the whole damned thing in record time. Didn’t even need my pit crew or nothin’. This is a great day, it really is.

Next month I’m gonna compete in the NYC bike race. Should be a breeze.”

We’re cheering for ya! Let’s go Brandon!

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