Washington DC – Pete Buttigieg, Secretary of Transportation, has just introduced the new rules for highways in America going forward. According to, “Mayor Pete,” the rules are created in the name of equity. In other words, black people get a 12-lane highway and white people get a parallel, four-lane strip of road.
We asked Mr. Buttigieg why he thinks this is a good idea. Following is our Q&A:
Reporter: Why are you segregating traffic lanes?
Mayor Pete: For too long, black people have suffered under white oppression. It’s time to change that. With this new 12/4 highway system, black people will never get stuck in traffic again. That means they’ll never be late for work or an appointment, which tends to be the case, currently. This new system is fair. White people may have to leave the house a little earlier, but that right there will help them better understand why blacks have been late for years – white oppression. This new system balances everything out.
Reporter: But black people only represent 13% of the entire population, plus, according to leading Democrats, none of them have driver’s licenses so they can’t vote, let alone drive. How does this work if there are no legal, black drivers?
Mayor Pete: That’s true, but the extra room on the roads for the black people will help make sure they don’t crash into anyone, especially white people. And by the way, black people no longer need a license to drive a car. I mean, most of the arrests of black drivers in this country show that they don’t have valid licenses anyway, so why start now?
Reporter: Is there anything else you’d like to add?
Mayor Pete: Well, if this works out, as we think it will, by this time next year we’ll have separate roads for Gays, Transgenders, Asians, Women, and Asian Women. Some people are just better drivers than others. Some drivers need more room to breathe. Anyway, thank you.
New road construction begins in June, 2022.
Disclaimer: All articles on this website are satirical and in no way factual. Copyright 2022, 1791Times.com. All rights reserved, USSA News, LLC.