Stacey Abrams Stuck in School…Literally! Too Fat to Get Up!

Atlanta – Stacey Abrams, the self-identified governor of Georgia, met with masked children in an Atlanta school Monday while opting to infect the children with COVID-19 with her maskless face.

When it was time for the imaginary governor to leave the school, she could not get up. Initially, she thought it was a childish prank, then she realized the truth. In her own words:

“When I tried to get up, I thought the kids put some glue on the floor as a joke, but they didn’t. I tried pulling myself up harder and harder and realized I couldn’t. I was just too fat…too heavy. I could hear the floor starting to give way. I asked the teacher for help in getting me up but to no avail.

Finally, I had to have her call a crane in. Not a big one, just one of those small ones you see at junkyards. I’m not disgustingly huge. Anyway, about five hours later the crane arrived and safely got me to my feet again.

This was indeed a teachable moment. As governor, I’m going to issue an executive order that, from now on, small cranes be no more than 500 feet away from any school. This should never happen to anyone.”

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