Stephen Colbert Gives Financial Advice During Inflation.

Los Angeles – Stephen Colbert decided to take time from his busy schedule to give the American people financial advice in these troubling economic times. Here’s the transcript of what he said:

“Hi America. I know inflation is making things hard on everyone and I’m not unsympathetic. Here are the tips I use when times get hard, and it has saved me a lot of money. Give’m a try:

  • Buy a Tesla, then you won’t have to worry about the high cost of gas.
  • Don’t get married. Instead, hire hookers. They’re a lot cheaper than maintaining a wife and God forbid, a divorce.
  • Have your cleaning staff only come to the house once a week, not daily.
  • It’s okay to not eat at a five-star restaurant. Every now and then I like to slum it and eat at a four-star dive.
  • Only get that plastic surgery if you really need it.
  • Skip the limo and take a cab from time to time.
  • Use your American Express black card instead of Visa. They don’t charge you interest.

Following my tips will allow every American to get through these difficult economic times, you peasants.”

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