Los Angeles – Stephen Colbert decided to take time from his busy schedule to give the American people financial advice in these troubling economic times. Here’s the transcript of what he said:
“Hi America. I know inflation is making things hard on everyone and I’m not unsympathetic. Here are the tips I use when times get hard, and it has saved me a lot of money. Give’m a try:
- Buy a Tesla, then you won’t have to worry about the high cost of gas.
- Don’t get married. Instead, hire hookers. They’re a lot cheaper than maintaining a wife and God forbid, a divorce.
- Have your cleaning staff only come to the house once a week, not daily.
- It’s okay to not eat at a five-star restaurant. Every now and then I like to slum it and eat at a four-star dive.
- Only get that plastic surgery if you really need it.
- Skip the limo and take a cab from time to time.
- Use your American Express black card instead of Visa. They don’t charge you interest.
Following my tips will allow every American to get through these difficult economic times, you peasants.”
Disclaimer: All articles on this website are satirical and in no way factual. Copyright 2022, 1791Times.com. All rights reserved, USSA News, LLC.