Tesla Abandons Electric Cars. Blames, “Dirty Electric Powerplants.” Introduces Model W with, “New” Technology.

Houston, TX – Tesla has decided to stop building electric cars and set their sights on even “greener” pastures. This decision was not made lightly. The company decided to switch to a greener technology once they realized that powering their cars required coal-powered powerplants to generate far more electricity than was previously thought. A spokesman for the company said:

“We were aware that powerplants that produce electricity use coal, which pollutes the environment; however, we just recently learned that the amount of coal needed to produce the electricity Tesla needed for its fleet of vehicles across the country was much too great. In fact, it turns out that gasoline-powered cars are actually greener than electric cars, once you factor in the coal needed to produce the enormous amount of electricity needed to run all of our cars. It’s for this reason we are abandoning the electric car completely.

To pivot, let’s look at the new technology we’re developing to power our vehicles. It’s actually old technology, we’re just modernizing it. We’re calling it, the ‘Model W.’ That’s right, it uses wind-up technology. You simply insert the key in the rear of the car, turn it 20 to 30 times, and off you go. No gas, no electricity, no pollution whatsoever. It’s truly the cleanest vehicle you can buy. Granted, the mileage can be improved, but we’re working on that. Currently, we’re getting about three miles per fully wound vehicle. I know that sounds low, but think of all the money you’ll save on gas. And think about how clean the air you breathe will be. The Model W is as clean as a baby’s bottom.”

Tesla, a force of nature. Pre-sales begin in the summer of 2022. The base Model W will be sold at a price of $99,000. Options will be announced later this year.

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