To Avoid Future Sex Scandals, CNN Promotes Brian Stelter to Host of Every Show.

Atlanta – In the wake of the numerous sex scandals over at CNN, including former CEO, Jeff Zucker, CNN top brass reacted quickly to stop the bleeding. It was announced today that Brian Stelter will be CNN’s top host. We asked CNN why they chose Stelter. Their response follows:

“I know we’ve gone through a rough patch with several producers and anchors being involved in multiple sex scandals and even felonies. This latest one with ‘Zuck’ doesn’t help either. So, from now on, we’re going to be pro-active, not re-active. That’s why we put Stelter in the top slot…so to speak. Look at him. Do you really think he could have sex with anyone, even at gunpoint? I mean, even Tucker Carlson calls him ‘The Eunuch’ for Christ’s sake. Let’s be honest, there’s not a long list of people lining up to sleep with short, pudgy, bald men. But he can read, and that’s all we need.”

Following is a list of CNN shows Brian Stelter will be hosting from now on:

  • The Situation Room with Brian Stelter,
  • Brian Stelter 360,
  • Brian Stelter Tonight,
  • The Lead with Brian Stelter,
  • Brian Stelter Interviews,
  • Brian Stelter on Brian Stelter,
  • Inside Politics with Brian Stelter,
  • Brian Stelter: Parts Unknown.

Disclaimer: All articles on this website are satirical and in no way factual. Copyright 2022, All rights reserved, USSA News, LLC.