Uvalde, TX – In the wake of a mass shooting at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas, the cops who did absolutely nothing to save a single child have agreed to star in Broadway’s newest musical, The Wizard of Oz. All 72 cops of the Uvalde Police department will appear as the Cowardly Lion. After all, they are fairies.
The Uvalde police did nothing but stare aimlessly into space, threaten to tase a worried father, and handcuff a panic-stricken mother while children were being killed by lone gunman. After the unarmed mother of two talked her way out of the handcuffs, she ran into the school and saved her own kids.
Proceeds from the musical will be donated to Pfizer, the pharmaceutical company that produces testosterone. A Pfizer representative had this to say:
“Clearly men need more testosterone, and but quick! Look at these Uvalde cops. They’re all a bunch of Nancys! Not one man among them. They’re all a bunch of cowards and pussies. Imagine, a mother runs in there, unarmed mind you, and confronts the shooter and then grabs and saves her kids’ lives while the Marys outside in tactical gear and bulletproof vests wait around for the SWAT team to show up an hour later. I swear I saw some of them change their tampons while they were waiting. Absolutely disgraceful! Thank you Pfizer for this much-needed testosterone.”
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